Disclaimer: The following advice is completely tongue-in-cheek. Read accordingly.
If you didn’t pick up last week’s issue of Us Weekly, you might have missed the cover story touting Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor‘s recent two-bedroom condominium purchase, just off the U Street corridor. (Okay, so maybe the story wasn’t in Us Weekly, but it definitely was front page news.)
Are you a fun-employed recent law school graduate who wants to casually bump into Justice Sotomayor to pass her your resume for a clerkship? Are you a SCOTUS superfan who just needs a picture with Her Honor to complete your nonet? Are you Justice Sotomayor herself, and want some tips on what local haunts you just have to try? Never fear, all the above. We have just the guide for you! Here’s where you’ll find the Honorable Judge Sotomayor…
After Work for Happy Hour?
As a lifelong jurist, Justice Sotomayor is obviously a fan of truth (along with justice and the American Way). So where better to casually sip some wine to unwind after a long day of opening arguments than the Dupont Circle wine bar, Veritas? They even carry her favorite wine by the glass, an Australian Shinas Estate Shiraz, also known as “The Guilty.”
Knocking Back a Few Cold Ones?
While you may think that Justice Sotomayor would pass the bar at any number of Borderstan watering holes (the multiple choice answers on this bar exam also include Bar Pilar or Bar Dupont), you’d be surprised to learn she’s more likely to enjoy the wide beer selection at either Churchkey, or if that’s too visible, The Big Hunt. What can I say? She likes craft beer.
Seeing the Ramifications of Universal Healthcare?
While the Justice, herself, will probably not partake, nothing will reassure her of the necessity of her vote for the Affordable Care Act than seeing people take on the 9-pounder at BGR. If you’re wondering, the health-conscious Sotomayor opts for the veggie or the Greek with grilled asparagus while watching customers gorge themselves sick.
Missing the Big Apple?
When Justice Sotomayor gets a little nostalgic for the Big Apple, she’ll need to look no further than Dupont, where she can enjoy New York imports Boqueria and Shake Shack. Pizza? Maybe not New York style, but how about Pizzeria Paradiso, or the favorite of college students, MOlga’s? And bagels? Well… I have nothing for you there.
Just Another One of Us?
Sure, she could try and sneak a table at Estadio, or cut the line at El Centro, using her SCOTUS powers. But seeing her have to stand in line with the rest of us at 5:30 outside Little Serow? Or tapping her foot, waiting for her table number to finally come up at Pearl Dive Oyster Palace? Well that is pure justice, indeed.
Taking in Some Tunes?
While the SCOTUS’s favorite music hall for dance parties is, of course, DC9 (where they all caught the recent Supreme Commander record release), the Honorable Ms. Sotomayor has long been a fan of 9:30 Club, ever since she caught a concert from her favorite band there last March (who else, but the French electronic duo, Justice? Even Supreme Court Justices know how to get down).
Still, she’s likely got a few more shows checked off on her calendar: Yeasayer (in celebration for all her recent votes), Bloc Party (with her left-leaning justices), Our Lady Peace, and Kimbra (even Justice Sotomayor can’t get that stupid Gotye song out of her head).
For the Girls’ Night Out?
Cafe Saint-Ex. Justices Ruth Ginsberg, Elena Kagan and Sotomayor just want to dance. Just stand in a circle around their shoes and their pocketbooks and just dance.
The lesson as always: Supreme Court Justices, they’re just like us! Welcome to Borderstan, Justice Sotomayor.