From Khelan Bhatia. Follow Khelan on Twitter @KhelanB or email him at khelan[AT]borderstan.com.

Miss me, Borderstanis? Yeah, I missed you too.

But I figure we’re like old friends who can go ages without seeing each other and pick up right up where we left off. I’m sure the last time we chatted, I was bitching and moaning about some fashion atrocity I saw on the street. And guess what, I’m gonna bitch and moan about a fashion atrocity I saw on the street. This, boys and girls, is what’s known as a self-fulfilling prophecy… maybe.

Wait… I lost my train of thought. Where was I? Oh right, the sartorial equivalent of the “Killing Fields.” So, I understand that these… foot gloves (for lack of a better term) are quite the rage in some fitness circles. They’re supposed to give you better arch support, or back support, or emotional support or whatever. That’s all fine and dandy. The gym is one of those places where function > form. Even if the footwear makes one like one of our primate ancestors. But once you step out of Vida, Mint, WSC (wherever you go), take those things off, man up, and put on some brogues. Or, hell, a pair of Chucks even.

Not on the Street. Please.

But do not. Ever. Ever. Wear them out on the street. They look ridiculous.

Your clothes, and accessories, define you on a daily basis. Wearing a sharp, fitted suit says you’re ready to conquer the world. Wearing a pair of chinos and an untucked oxford shirt says you’re ready to enjoy the weekend. Wearing foot gloves says hand me a banana, would you? I’m gonna go chill up this tree.

So of course, I see this hopelessly clueless guy walking, perhaps dragging his knuckles, while wearing these out and about. He wasn’t going for a jog; he wasn’t heading to CrossFit; he was just strolling around. It was disconcerting, to say the least. Part of me, the sliver of a good, decent human being buried under all this snark, sympathized with him. I’m sure they’re the most comfortable pair of shoes he owns.

But if it’s comfort he’s after, have I got the pair for him (in my mind, this column is so important that some random passerby is actually reading it. Don’t judge). And, surprise, surprise, they’re from Cole Haan. The boys at the almost 90-year-old Chicago-based footwear company have done it again. If you had told me two years ago, that I’d not only be singing the praises of this formerly conservative little shoemaker that could, but that I’d own at least six pairs of their wingtips, oxfords, and penny loafers, well, I probably would have said your pants were on fire. And then I would have lit a match.

Where was I? Ah yes, Cole Haan. They have a new line out this season called LunarGrand. It’s as if a running shoe and a wingtip procreated and produced a shoe that was, quite literally, greater than the sum of its parts. Don’t get me wrong; they’re a little pricey (the suede ones are around $250; the leather ones around $280), but they’re so worth it.

They do come in a variety of colors but my clear favorite are the navy leather with ivory soles and the grey suede with the neon yellow soles.

Fashionable and Comfortable. Classic and Cutting-Edge. Love the contrasts.

So, young man, if you are, indeed, reading this, climb down the three and up the evolutionary ladder. Take off the foot gloves and pop your feet into a pair of these LunarGrands instead.

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